DOWN 2 POUNDS (From 277 to 275)

should i be excited?

i dunno, cause ive been here several times before in this last 11 weeks since surgery.

but i cant deny it, its exciting, no matter how hard i come slam back down when it comes back on my body...i get thrilled..
THRILLED that its off, even if its for a few hours, or half a day, or a weekend, or whatever.

it makes me happy. seriously.

so, to celebrate, im drinking a protein shake.
hoping it holds my hunger for me, cause i AM getting a bit hungry.

maybe tomorrow ill be 2 pounds lighter! maybe...
cant ever be completely thrilled because my body has played a mind game on me for the past 11 weeks, to the point i dont trust the scale, or what im really seeing...cause somewhere inside me, im afraid it will come creep back.

patterns often repeat.

ive not even really hung over the scale, altho it sits right beside me on the floor at my desk, i have not obsessed over getting on it and looking at the scale to read the change in weight.

and sunday i nearly had a breakdown over the fact the scale had gained 3 pounds over night, with no explanation to me other than MY BODY SUCKS!
so frustrating. and i havnt really blogged about that fact of being frustrated, because theres no point to repeat the SAME thing over and over again, ever single day on here...

but i can say, it has been one of the hardest personal emotional physical struggles ive ever had going on within myself.

a personal battle with..ME!

id LOVE to blog more posts about LOSS!
but i havnt, because as stated, im afraid that the next time on the scale will be a fluctuation UP, and its very disappointing to me to see the scale go UP, instead of down.

well SUCCESS for today...IVE LOST 2 POUNDS!

6 more to go to break this 270 area and get past the 10 pounds lost 2nd week after gastric sleeve surgery.

i CAN say, with some delight, that i have not ever gotten above 280 since surgery...and i dont intend to either.

next week, monday through friday, ill be at a day camp all day from morning till evening out in the elements, for a cub scout pack at my church.
im so hoping the movement, and the weather, and such will help me lose this extra 6 pounds.

a week after that (3rd week of june) i see the surgeon again, and im terrified hes gonna think im cheating, and a slacker...
if hes hard on me i can walk away seriously emotionally hurt by what he says...
depending on my mood, but im already afraid to see him, because i feel like a complete failure at this surgery...
so, if he decided to chide me, ill most likely draw on that scared little girl inside whos been dreaming of trying to make people with authority happy, at the same time remaining true to herself.
not an easy task.

so, anyway...small victory. yay.

MICHELLE